Katie Parker host : reporter : emcee : producerkatie@katieparker.tv

This Was Supposed to be a Pregnancy Announcement…

This was supposed to be a pregnancy announcement.

Instead, I want to share a little of what we’ve been going through the past few months. At just over 10 weeks pregnant we were told the baby, our first pregnancy, no longer had a heartbeat. Even though we had clearly seen one a few weeks earlier. The following physical, mental and emotional pain was one of the worst experiences of my life.

Something we realized during this experience is that when we hear the word miscarriage, we register that it means we’ve lost a baby. But we don’t really know much beyond that, unless you’ve experienced it of course (and believe me, there are more people who have had a miscarriage than you would ever imagine). You don’t realize that it could take weeks to complete. That during that time your body goes through some severe physical pain – for some (🙋🏼‍♀️) the worst they’ve felt in their lives. That you lose so much blood you have to have someone keep a close eye on you so you know when to rush to the hospital if you lose too much. That the emotional pain of not yet getting to follow through on your hopes and dreams for this baby is just beginning. And that the mental anguish of going through this process is enough to break someone.

I constantly asked if I was strong enough to get through this.

I don’t share all of this for sympathy – in fact, people feeling sorry for me actually makes me feel a lot worse. I share this because I now know there are more people who have had a similar experience than people who haven’t. I share this because it’s now part of my story. Part of what makes me, me.

We’re encouraged to keep pregnancy a secret for the first trimester since that’s the riskiest time. However, that tends to be a pretty difficult time for the woman. Her body is going through some crazy changes. She’s most likely feeling sick, emotional, exhausted, a little crazy, excited and worried. This is a time in a woman’s life when she could really benefit from some empathy and understanding, but we’re encouraged not to talk about it. Because we might lose the pregnancy and it’ll be hard to tell everyone. But if that loss does happen, then that means the woman and her partner suffer in silence. With no condolences, no help, no empathy, no strength from others to pull from. When else would we ever expect someone to experience such a difficult time on their own?

Yes, the joy of pregnancy comes with the fear of loss. But isn’t that life in itself, really? Joy and loss. And what better way to do life than together?  

If we’re fortunate enough to get pregnant again, I don’t know yet if I’ll share the news before reaching the 2nd trimester, the proverbial “safe zone.” That’ll definitely be a game-time decision. I’d like to think I would be brave enough to. I would’ve loved for you to have seen the giddiness that surrounded those first couple of months – and the nausea and ridiculous food aversions. It was such a strange and exciting ride that I’m hoping we’ll get to be on again.

Although every miscarriage is different, if you’re going through one and have questions please feel free to ask me anything. I can only give you answers based on my experience, but hopefully it can help in some small way.  

If you’re in the middle of a similar situation, please know that you’re stronger than you think you are and you’re not alone. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help. It’s an unbelievably difficult time mentally, physically and emotionally, but you will make it through the storm. And when you get to the other side I hope you find joy, love and rainbows waiting for you.

A couple things I read or heard from others who have been through this journey that continue to help me tremendously:

You can only fight fear with hope.

You can only fight death with life.

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